As part of this course we have been advised to read a wide variety of newspapers so we can gain a broad view of the media and get to grips with different styles of writing aimed at different audiences.
So on Saturday, I sat in the Gyllyngvase Beach Café and read a day-old Daily Mail. They were banging on about this new anti-debt campaign the Tories have launched aimed at young people. They are asking them to Ignore the Tosser Inside. Which I agree, Littlejohn, is nauseating. It is like those Maths problems we used to get at school which said,
‘Ertan wants to go and watch a Michael Jackson concert with his friend Raj. How much change will he get from… ‘
Yeah those inner city kids won’t notice they are doing Maths if we mention Michael Jackson. But I digress.
The column included a little fact box in the corner of the page explaining that a tosser referred to a person who carried out the act of masturbation.
The columnist was up in arms about the whole thing, mainly because he could not believe they were bandying around a word based on, wait for it, an act of self abuse. I nearly choked on my pint. Self abuse! What century are they living in. No wonder there are huge swathes of the population wracked with guilt about sex, who can only find an outlet in reading the Daily Mail and getting a semi by peering guiltily into the sordid lives of others.
An act of self abuse for me is reading the stupid paper.
To find the article put Littlejohn and Tosser into Google.